Commune, Community, Commute, Communion

Let's gather over a discussion of how people gather and its role in its importance to our joint survivor.  

Over the past 9 months I have been looking more at how groups of people care for and interact with one another.  In their homes, over a meal, in a religious ritual.  With family, with friends, with strangers, with enemies.  All of these have things in common:

• Its purpose is positive - bringing people together and bringing them to a different point in their connections to each other
• It is nutritive - all of these are opportunities to be "fed", even if some times the "food" is bitter or poisonous.
• It is global.  


• In the depths of the Sahara desert, offering (and accepting) a meal from your host is a social necessity to further engagement or business
  
• In China, the greeting we know is how are you can be translated as "have you had rice"?
  
• In a Mediterranean culture based family home a meal is always offered
• In other parts of Europe or Latin America, a meal is something to be lingered over
• In Africa, a meal can be a bowl of meat and vegetables and break
  
• In Christian churches all over the world, the sharing of bread and wine in Communion is universal (even when grape juice replaces wine) as a joining of a community around a common symbol of grace, caring, and bonding together.
  
• In Jewish families all over the world Passover and other occasions are celebration of appreciation and remembrance of God's grace provided to the Jewish peoples. 
  
• In can be done by sharing your resources, even when they are sparse as seen in people bringing meals to those in need or facing challenges of health, money, death of some one close to them, or, even, in bringing a part of a meal to the house of a host who has invited you to their house for a meal.
• It can be seen in first responders, medical personnel and ordinary citizens who run toward danger, like a bomb blast during a marathon or a building attacked by a jet airplane.  
• Its visible in caring work done for others with out regard for reciprocation.  It can be seen in gardens being planted or weeded, lawns being cut, snow being shoveled, rides to doctors or church, and many other ways for people or families in need of support during old age, overwhelming grief, chronic illness or acute family challenges including a home burnt to the ground.

Taking this to the context of violence and war, maybe the answer to conflicts between states, tribes, religious sects, races and other separations that cause violence, physical or other wise, maybe we should be bringing meals and a welcoming table with out context other than communing and building a community.

Bombs, guns, poisonous gases, genocide  and missiles are often used, to rare positive effect, and often only worsen our world in any number of ways.  Maybe we should be using more bread, wine (or juice or water) and many other types of shared cultural food to underline our commonalities and not our differences.  And like many families table rules, no politics,  religious or sex talk is to be allowed at the table. 

Break out the table, chairs and subsistence. and let the world commune on small and large scales.  Maybe we can make our world a much better place.

Turning Pages in the Garden

Each point in life is a page turning.  

I'm sure its visible in every neighborhood, but in our neighborhood here in the bosom of suburbia, its visible to me like a bright glaring beam of the moon on clear night.  Late May and June is the season of lots of pages turning.  

Graduations are the most visible things we see at this time of year.  We had two - a college and a high school.  Each of our sons have different journeys as do may in your own life.  Turn the page.

Caps and gowns and tassels turned to the other side.  And now what?  Each of those wonderful sons and daughters are heading toward roads of joy and sorry, love and disappointment, success and failure.  A whole lot more pages turning.  

June brides and smiling grooms by their sides.  Summer solstice and last days of school for the kids who aren't graduating.  People planning summer days at the beach or mountains, all writing new pages in the books of their lives.  

How does one interpret this in a wider lens?  We can't stop the pages from turning. They will turn, even if we aren't reading them.  So, maybe we have to learn to follow them.  

I am a gardener.  I plant both perennials and annuals.  Veggies and herbs.  The perennials come forth every spring.  The annuals need time and attention, and love as well, to get them going, to prepare the earth for them, and planting them.  And some times the page that turns is the gift of a friends caring support for you.  Like the loving friends who came and planted my veggies and flowers when I was busy turning the continuing pages on a story of an extended illness in our home, a page in a story not fully written but with numerous plot twists and turns, and, in a few more pages, a good chance at a happy ending.

So, some page turning is perennial, and others are gifts and surprises, sometimes bad, but often good.  And even the bad ones some times lead to many unexpected good ones.  Plot twists that we think are total disasters, are all that, but sometimes that disaster takes us to another page, another good, but different happy ending.   

Here is suburbia, we don't always care, or even know one another.  When the pages turn and things get rough, you realize you aren't turning pages alone.  You aren't alone in turning the pages and that makes the book of life so much more interesting.    Share your book with others and keep turning the pages.  It will be worth your time.

Out here in the burbs (and maybe in other areas - urban, rural, etc.), Prom season is a big deal.  For many schools, the day of prom is Friday and the school is either closed or people don't show or it is closed early.  The prom is usually on Friday night, some times Saturday.  Either way, its an occasion that has gone from a fancy dance, where some times (as it was for mine) where the boy friend/date buys the girl dinner, or a sit down dinner looking more like a wedding banquet than a party for 17-18 year olds.  

The big thing is to have a large group of people go to some one's house and pose for a large group picture in that houses' all too perfect back yard, deck, gazebo, etc.  The boys are often in a new suit that costs $100- 200 or more bucks.  Or a tux that cost most of $100 to rent.  The girls have special hair do's and make up, either done with a lot of effort at home or a lot of money at a salon.  They look gorgeous.  Some dresses are scarily revealing and others look more poofy than any of us had in the late 1970's.   But, I figure it is the effort that counts and not the spend.  

Except, the reason I am writing this blog entry is the money.  Lots of it.  And lots of families decide they want their kids/young adults to ride in style and rent some level of monster limousine.  

And then there is the pre-prom snacks, crudite or even something more fancy or expensive.   And then there is the flowers.  A corsage, mostly a wristlet and for the boys, a very nice lapel flower (not a carnation please).

And in our community, as occurs in lots of others is the extravent post prom party at (usually) the high school.  The Prom isn't at the gym at the school, but at a coutnry club or hotel.  Post prom in our community is a wonderful effort by a large number of wonderfully committed adults who would rather invest in an amazing night of fun at the school, then to see their kids out drinking, having unprotected sex, or driving exhausted to the (still cold) Jersey shore.  

So, why write about all this.  I'm not sure I think any of it is bad or good.  I do think that if you are into your kids prom for more than $500 bucks or so, that you are making an investment in one very fleeting moment in their life.  Will they remember it for ever?  I don't know.  The pictures we all take are going to look much the same no matter what is spent.  So, how did this get so big?  I have no idea, but I do think it is something we should take a moment to consider.  

Let's start with figuring out the relationship between what is spent and how much we remember so many years after.  The correlation is probably terrible.  What we remember is who we went with, how nice it was to be with friends or, at least dressed up super nice for a night.  Go stag?  You remember those guys or gals the same.  You were there.  You and the gang versus the world.  

Happy prom all.  Stay safe and staff well. And congrats on your graduation.  Life has taken you here and that is super cool and worth noting big time.  And now - we all need to move forward further into the adventure that is life.  

Convenience Store Doors and Manners

I know I wrote about Wawa in the past, but there is something I have always noticed and its a piece of suburbia (and cities too) that intrigues me.   For those not from this geography, picture a 7-11 or Turkey Hill, Cumberland Farms convenience store done at the pinnacle of the craft.   www.Wawa.com . 

The newest ones are massive with amazingly great coffee - many types, great deli sandwiches of many many kinds and massive quantities of soda types.  

But I am not writing this to champion their stores (okay, so I have already), but to talk about manners around holding the door for each other going in and out of the stores.    You see, the doors are manual ones that only swing out.  A store like the one above will sell 10,000 cups of coffee in a week (maybe more - I don't know).  They sell gas, ciggies and lots of other stuff that you make a quick trip in and out AND here's the point of this blog entry - EVERYONE holds the door for everybody, or so it seems.  Our world has so few places where people are helpful to one another and polite enough to pause in their busy days to stop and hold a door.  For men or women holding the door for me or women. 

And maybe, maybe, if you project this outward beyond just  a fast food store door, you can see that there is hope for humanity.  I know that is a stretch to believe, but maybe, just maybe it tells us that in this world of suburbia and urban isolation, red:blue separation and its associated vitriol, that in the simple act of stopping in the morning for a coffee and a Shortie Hoagie (ref - zep, hero, sub, etc.) for your lunch, you make the world heal a bit by just pausing and holding a door for a fellow human.  And that, I believe, is a sign of hope for us all. 

Wondering about the future in the bosom of suburbia

When we bought our house, we were focused on getting our sons into a school district with great schools.  And that meant paying 20% more for a house versus neighbor school districts.  It was a stretch for us (and still is), but worth it for our kids education.   That investment paid off, but I wonder if it will for the parents and their kids following us.

Every parent in America wants their kids to have more, and to achieve more, than the generation before.  That is part of the American dream.  We also teach them fairness. On the soccer field, when they are 6 years old, when they are playing sports, or competing in band festivals, scholarly events and all other competitive events, we teach them fairness as a core principle.  We also emphasize it in sharing toys and turns and other things with their siblings.   Fairness is even taught in household chores, allowing for the abilities of each child by their age, their relative maturity and, in our case, their disabilities (er, read that more politically as their "differences").  This is, I think, a core American Value.  We don't have royalty, we don't have "upstairs:downstairs" perspectives.  American is an egalitarian country  where any person, who works hard enough, can move up the economic ladder.

So, as a Dad sitting here in the suburban wonderland, I wonder if the system is like described by either political party at their national Conventions.  The land of the free, the home of the brave, a melting pot, where every child can grow to be the apple of their parents eye or even president, governor, congress member, or business owner.  Or, is the game rigged?  Despite my political perspective, this isn't an easy issue to diagnose.  My suspicion, is that it is rigged. But with all my heart, I hope it isn't.

The challenge for all of us.  Tea Party, Republican Moderate, Moderate Democrat or Liberal on the far left, is that I am no longer sure that any of us have the control our country's forefathers set in motion.   Money seems to matter much more than ideas, principles or character.  I personally like President Obama, but I would also look at a Republican candidate that was true to and consistent in beliefs.  Next election, we could see a democrat who moves around to meet the desires of their base (Etch a Sketch)  the same way that I think Gov. Romney does.  Like Bernstein ( a la Woodruff and Bernstein of Watergate fame)  said.  "Follow the money".  And in all political perspectives (left - right), there are larger money interests favoring a direction that might not be the best thing for our country.  I can give a large gift (of my family's resources) to either campaign and not move the election the way a Union or a Oil interest can move things.

And at the very local suburban level,  I wonder where the money is moving things.  The local Wawa closing I mentioned last time in this blog  was a ultimately a political decision.  For the financial health of our Township, I believe it was a bad choice to not let them expand their store to a more profitable format, especially given the loss of a gas station  on that same intersection.  Now we have another empty business store front on a key intersection in our township instead of a tax revenue bonus for our kids, our safety, our community.

Tip O'Neill (not my favorite politician by a long shot) did say something very true, all politics are local.  What happens in the bosom of suburbia is small and seemingly unimportant versus a presidential campaign.  I think that's an incorrect assumption.  Its more about TV and other media revenue investments.  Its about the money.  Follow the money and you can find an awful twist on the suburban America (Politicians often call us the "middle class") dream.

So - I try to vote in every election, even the small local ones.  Do I pick left or right?  Not at all the point.  I pick.  And try  to stay informed  - for the school board, Township Supervisors, County officials.  And the State government and the Federal Offices.  Its ALL important.

If you are in the bosom of suburbia, don't be more complacent than those on the far left and right.  Because that's where the money is.  They will win while we are staying home watching the TV.  And that is us, giving away our future.  And that would be a terrible tragedy.

Be involved, be concerned.  Follow your values.  Then who ever wins, will be those chose by our community and by those funding the election.

The End of the Worcester Wawa -- A lesson in local politcal short term vision

When you live in the suburbs of a major metropolitan area, you usually have local news reports from that city.  For us, its Philadelphia - birthplae of our nation, one of its oldest cities and the 5th largest media market in the country.  So evening news is filled with shootings, robberies, murders and other crimes of big cities.  All of these are removed from our lives here in the burbs which makes them oh so easy to ignore.  Or to say, I'm glad that's not my neighborhood.

But maybe it is.  We live outside of Lansdale, a smallish town with a great diversity of neighborhoods and ethnic populations from many nations.  The local patch reported this past week serious drug busts, robbery and assaults.  A local special education teacher was indicted for having alleged sexual relations with a student.  Sure, the violence level is lower, but, is it really so different as the folks in suburbia think.

Meanwhile our local politicians argue about distance from roadside, age of local buildings, paint jobs, signs and other things of what seems very important consequence, but mostly aren't of any seriousness and are often resolved with rulings that reduce the taxable income of the township and cost it money in the decision process as well.  Its reminiscent of Nero playing his lyre while Rome burns.

Here's what I wish.  Fantastic schools for our children that stretch and challenge them no matter what their ability level or grad, safe neighborhoods and roads and reliable public services including first responders able come when we really need them. Quickly and professionally.  And, most important Governments driven by the public good, not by petty issues, campaign finance or under the table business interests.

Our local Wawa closed this week and I truly believe it didn't get to grow as the Wawa firm wanted because of petty, local political wishes and control needs.  A valued part of our tax base, a local chain store offering multiple jobs and quality service and products closed because of narrow perspectives and shorter term thinking.  Our schools roads and town will lose and there will be little gained.  It will be an empty store that drove lots of traffic to the other small business in that shopping center.  Add that to the empty lot across Skippack Pike and you realize how short sited the township has become.  I hate that.

Gardening or Hunting?

I had a conversation with a colleague who said "We aren't farmers or gardeners waiting for things to grow, but go out, find, hunt and kill our prey (get business).  Some how that seemed very distinct from who I am.  i think relationships and business grow by intention and patience.  I have had the blessing of lots of voluntary plans (business opportunities) borne of efforts previously done (composting, gardening - keeping commitments, making binding agreements).

With neighbors in the burbs, there is such a transitional attitude.  People come and go, neighbors rarely talk, even with those living right next to them.  I wonder if that grows harvest as productive as those which we actively work to cultivate.  

What do you  think?